Body Horror due to Beauty Standard

While going through Film Recaps, I happened to chance upon this movie titled 'Slanted' (2025/2026), which is a body horror-comedy written and directed by Amy Wang that explores a Chinese-American teenager's desperate quest for acceptance. Joan Huang (Shirley Chen) undergoes experimental "ethnic modification" surgery to become white (Mckenna Grace) to win prom queen, only for it to become a physical/emotional nightmare.

Then I read the comments and mostly shared it is similar to The Substance movie (2024), also another body-horror film about Elisabeth Sparkle (Demi Moore), a faded celebrity who, after being fired at 50, uses a black-market drug to create a younger, "perfect" version of herself named Sue (Margaret Qualley). The film, detailed on IMDb, explores the dark consequences of extreme vanity and Hollywood's ageism, as the two selves must share a single consciousness, switching every seven days.

After thoughts on both movies, Slanted reminded me of my younger days dealing with my own identify crisis during growing up. Being of mixed parentage, I couldn't fit in to the pure main races (Chinese/Malay/Indian) in Singapore, as I'm considered an Eurasian, ancestry from both Europe and Asian. I'm always the weird fat girl in the Chinese skinny group as my mother tongue is Chinese. I can speak better than them yet I am never a part of them. To the Chinese, when you marry some other races, you are deemed not pure enough... just like how the white vs black in the earlier era.

As my Dad was dark skinned due to his exposure to the sun as a Portuguese sailor mixed with Mymmar origins (from his mum), I tried very hard to get tanned too, always out in the open for activities, even tying my hair like the Red Indians. I wanted to look like my Dad but I ended up getting roasted like a red lobster because I inherited my Chinese Mum's fair skin tone. And being from lower social economics level, my neighbours are usually the darker skinned races too. (Malays & Indians) Being honest, I also know there's racism among the olden days too, and darker skinned people have a harder time finding jobs unless they learn to master the common Mandarin language to cater to the 70% majority race here.

Many of my darker skinned friends from childhood still didn't do so well in life even in adulthood because of all these hidden untold barriers. Some of them also mentioned to me that they envied my fair skin tone, that's why I can easily get better chances in life than them. But I also told them, I am thankful to the days we were together. They are the hardest batch of workers that hassle hard for survival and many of them are good in their expressions and speeches. Just look at all the Rappers who went through shitty lives and wrote the best lyrics to express about Life itself.

So watching Slanted really also exposed some of the growing pains when you're a minority. Yet, you also need to make the choice to decide who you really want to be. Because beauty is fleeing...

Next, while looking through The Substance, I smiled. I'm coming soon to the age where the storyline about middle aged women at 50 lament at their fading beauty. Around me, my peers at my age are still going for cosmetic surgeries, botox injections to make their skin firmer, not revealing their real ages for birthdays, getting angry if others start calling them 'aunties', etc.

I find that so foolish... Maybe I am weird... I am proud of my age and will put the number on my birthday cake. To grow old is a privilege denied to many too. I am more than happy if I can live another year and more with my current health prognosis. I am so careful these days after retirement with no need to do make up or go for expensive hair cut. I can just clip up my hair or re-root my hair colour on my own with blond dye once in 2 months when the black roots grow out. That's the only beauty stuff I do for myself. I don't mind being called Auntie as it shown I am aging with grace.

Well, sometimes I might look at my past younger self photos and smiled, I was quite pretty once too. But honestly, I am more than happy that I am no longer that attractive so no men would look at me. I wanted to forget my past sinful days of endless affairs when I was not happy in my own marriage. But now I am doing well, back in church and having a simple quiet life with my mentally ill Hubby in wheelchair. I toned down a lot in my dressing, no more body hugging to show any parts. I can just wear comfortable baggy auntie clothing and feel safe among the opposite sex these days.

Hey, that's quite a relief you know. I would wear sunglasses or thick reading glasses to hide my attractive eyes. Eyes are something, they are the windows to your soul and doesn't seems to get old. I know my eyes attract others a lot so I choose to look down most of the times. I just wish to be left alone and be in peace nowadays.

Listening to Lana Del Rey - Young and Beautiful... I no longer lament on my aging... I'm grateful that my Hubby loves me despite all the affairs and pains I must have caused him too. Just like the lyrics goes:

"Dear Lord, when I get to heaven, please let me bring my man.
When he comes, tell me that You'll let him in, Father, tell me if You can
All that grace, all that body
Oh, that face makes me wanna party
He's my sun, he makes me shine
Like diamonds"

I'm a wild stone all my life, now being polished to shine like the diamond after all the cuts LIFE deals with me. And I'm now happy and contented in The Lord and my Hubby's love. Beauty is no more a priority in my life anymore.