William Holmes Sullivan's The Assassination of Julius Caesar, 1888:
This is my contribution to this month's new virtual symposium on 'Betrayal' - see NVS20 September 2026. "Et tu, Brute?" were the alleged words of Julius Caesar to Marcus Junius Brutus as he was being slain, but they are the words in William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar play written c1599.
The betrayal that most readily comes to mind happened when I was working in Portsmouth. After three years together, my then girlfriend (GIRLFRIEND 9) dumped me. I was heartbroken.
My then best friend was a colleague of mine. We were inseparable. We taught together, and we researched and published together. We also saw each other socially several times a week either the two of us or as part of wider group. We knew each other inside out; we shared secrets.
Before I started going out with my girlfriend, my friend was very attracted to her and was convinced that it was mutual attraction. I wasn't sure it was mutual. It soon turned out that she liked but wasn't attracted to him, she was attracted to me instead. We started going out. There seemed to be no issue between my friend and I. We often all went out together and we even went to Amsterdam for a weekend away.
Soon after my girlfriend split from me, I found out from a mutual friend that my friend was planning to see her in London. I was hurt and even angry because my best friend hadn't told me. I felt betrayed.
Hurt and heartbroken, I decided to break off relations with my best friend or as much as I could given that we worked in the same department. Because we were barely talking, I wrote him a letter saying that I no longer wanted to work with him on both the teaching and research front. Socially we went our separate ways which wasn't easy for many mutual friends.
When we were getting on, I was very aware how much my friend wanted a girlfriend. I thought he was desperate. He even had sex with his friend's wife. I told him that he was very foolish because he was playing with fire; I'm not sure he heeded my advice or not. I decided that the less I know of the affair the better as the wife's husband was also a friend of mine, plus a colleague with whom I worked on a research project. While still my best friend, I was aware that he asked three women to marry him in the space of two weeks, two turned him down and one said yes to his proposal.
Still hurt and heartbroken, I stupidly arranged a lunch with my best friend's wife-to-be. I hadn't thought this through though I wanted to warn her against my friend. Over lunch, I slagged him off big time. It goes without saying that both my friend and his wife-to-be took a very dim view of my contribution to their relationship.
In different circumstances, I'm sure my friend would have asked me to be his best man at his wedding. (Instead of me, he chose to ask the husband of the wife he shagged as best man!) Not surprisingly, I wasn't invited to the wedding though I was invited to the after-wedding reception. I did attend and I was on my best behaviour, though it all felt very weird.
Slowly things calmed down between my then best friend and I. We started to talk. I apologised profusely for meeting his wife-to-be to slag him off. He apologised to me for not telling me in person of his plans to see my ex-girlfriend. We buried the hatchet and even hugged, though things were never the same between us. We were friends but not close friends, but his wife clearly didn't like me which put a dampener on any reunion of close friendship. I don't blame her or him for the distance. If only I hadn't invited her for lunch in a pub!
Looking back at this betrayal, I soon accepted that it wasn't a betrayal. My friend had every right to resume a friendship with my ex-girlfriend. If I had a problem with it, then it was my problem and not his problem. It just felt like a betrayal. Also I should have focused more on the motives of our mutual friend telling me about his plans to see my ex-girlfriend. At the time I saw her intervention as a friendly act, but looking back I think she told me too quickly about my friend's plans to meet up with my ex-girlfriend without giving my friend time to tell me himself. It was that intervention which set off my thoughts of betrayal, she set the train in motion. But I'm not blaming her, I felt what I did and I did what I did. I wrote the letter, I met his wife-to-be.
Also looking back, I realise how incestuous my work life and my non-work life was in Portsmouth. Just to emphasise how incestuous it was, my then best friend's best man, whose wife he had shagged, ended up leaving his wife to get married to a woman whom my best friend had proposed to. I also had a one-night stand with my best friend's ex-girlfriend who was my German language tutor. The one-night stand wasn't an act of revenge, I promise; it was a drunken opportunity. But I chose not to tell him about it even though she may have done. My German language tutor, an ex-student, ended up marrying a mutual colleague of my best friend and I. That's how incestuous things were in Portsmouth! (I'm using the 'incestuous' word figuratively not literally.)
I know there are risks in mixing work with pleasure. After leaving Portsmouth for Nottingham, I largely kept my work life separate from my social life. It was healthier even if far less fun! And it's very easy to be wise with hindsight; I just wish I had foresight at the time when I made my decisions.
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vectorlab's Perfidious Man Walking with Girlfriend Looking on another Sexy Woman on Street:
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14 comments
Betrayal cuts deepest when it comes from someone who was part of your everyday life and knew how much you trusted them.
As you say, betrayal is far worse when done by a close friend. I expect my enemies to betray me!
If only you could have taken that incestuous group and had an orgy, it would have just been good fun
Hugs!!
It would have been but I wasn't a swinger back then!
Sometimes the betrayal (or perceived betrayal) of a close friend is more heart-rending than that of a lover.
Because my work and private lives were so intertwined, there was little respite from the situation.
It was a spectacular death.
Old age can be a second-rate fate.
I wish I could stop old age!
Another great story and contribution to the NVS my friend. I hope you enjoy your Thursday.?
It was far writing about betrayal than being involved in the situation!
Although, I personally can't relate to your situation. I don't believe you were "stupid", even though I'm certain many might label you as such. Perhaps a tad naive, however it is pretty admirable how forgiving of a person you are. It is healthy to forgive those who harm you, it's completely different if someone is worthy of your trust and friendship. My Grandma has told me several time's "Just be grateful, for the experience." You may not receive complete closure, and still have some unanswered questions, as to their betrayal. You will have at least gained the wisdom of finding the qualities of a great lover, and better friendships. Don't let them define your worth, and just keep walking that trail with a smile.
With the benefit of hindsight, it's easy to make sense of things. At the time I was too hasty in the way I reacted - my heart ruled my head.
@spunkycumfun Absolutely, and there's nothing wrong with that. Hindsight is always 20/20 and who the hell expects their most trusted inner circle to betray them? You didn't do anything wrong. I believe, you will find more quality friendships, and partners from the experience.
Surely a story of shitting where you eat, and why it's to be avoided, if ever there was one.
That saga was one reason why I left Portsmouth for Nottingham. I needed a fresh start.
Frankly, I've betrayed and been betrayed, though more often the former than the latter. That's what comes with having lived a long and eventful life.
Thankfully I've betrayed more than I've knowingly been betrayed.